Graduation Pictures

Got a job!!! First grade teacher at Syracuse Elementary!

More thoughts on Life and finding Meaning

So I have a lot to say today. I guess it's all that thinking that I was doing last night when I couldn't sleep. I'm kind of laughing right now because every time I type finding meaning I accidentally write finding megan. That's what I'm working on right now. And I'm coming to realize that it is something that many people who I know are working on it too. One of my friends told me yesterday that he didn't think he'd ever find meaning and didn't know if he would even recognize it if it hit him in the face. It makes me wonder why we are all searching. And what we can do to help each other.
I just remembered something from school. Eric Erickson (ever heard of him?) a developmental theorist has a whole bunch of stages that we go through throughout our lifetime. The stage that people my age are in is intimacy versus isolation. Hmmm....What to think of the that? He nailed it on the head didn't he? A lot of my feelings of anxiety come from not wanting to be alone, but feeling very alone sometimes. What are some things that we can do to be better and to feel a sense of belonging? It's something to think about.
I remember one of my best friends from high school once told me that I need to be anxiously engaged in a good cause in order to feel the meaning that I needed out of life. She was right! I remember so many times when I was in China where I would feel tiny and insignificant and I would do kind things for others or do the little things like read my scriptures, pray, and all those other standard church answers. I sometimes wish I could go back to that time in China and feel the peace and security that I felt with the knowledge that Heavenly Father was there and looking out for me. I know He is doing the same now, but sometimes....I don't know how to explain it. Back here in the real world, I allow dumb, unimportant things to get in my way of fully feeling that peace. There's a lot to work on, but I know that I can do it. And if I can do it any of you who are reading this can do it.
Heavenly Father know us each by name and he loves us so much. I feel that love constantly. He wants to bless us, but we have to let him, give him the opportunity to. It's something to think about...
I think I'll just end this entry with one of my new favorite quotes by Elaine S. Dalton.

"The Savior will help you see and understand the vision he has for you. You are his beloved [children]. He knows you personally and has a plan for your life. He has promised that as you live worthily, his spirit will always be with you."

Some things I was thinking about last night....

Well, last night as I was lying awake trying not to freak out and I was thinking about some things. I started writing this in my head, but I'm pretty sure that it sounded better last night than it will right now.
Last night I felt like I was being hit by a fire hydrant turned on full blast. I've got post graduation anxiety (obviously if you read what I wrote last night!). The future is endless. I can do anything I want. I'm having the worst time with it because it took me so long to finish school that I kept feeling that I didn't want to plan anything after graduation because it was so far away. And now here I sit, the after graduation right in front of me and I start feeling anxious.
And the worst part? The worst part isn't even the post graduation anxiety. School and work are a lot less stressful than the rest of my life I decided. They're just an easy way to forget about all the other stuff. All the other stuff has people involved and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or let anyone know how I'm feeling.....How screwed up am I? I guess I'll finish these thoughts later; they're getting way to deep for Megan right now.

Anxiety Attack!!!

So I'm completely having an anxiety attack right now! I can't even sleep. I'm all stressed out about a job interview I have tomorrow. What if I make the wrong choice about where to work? What if I screw up in my interview? What if I'm late? What if I'm not good enough? What if...? What if...? What if...? I need something else to think about, but I don't have any more room in my brain to think about something else....AAAAHHHH!!!! Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. I'm calm. I'm cool. I'm collected. I'm going to be okay.

Graduation!!

Well I graduated Friday!!! It was pretty exciting. I can't believe I'm finished! Next step...find a job...